THE TALE OF AN AFRICAN BRIDE - 3

                  
                            A Celebration of African brides           


                                                   

                                                             Source unknown 

Chapter three 

Preparation of marriage 

Preparing a bride in this village was like a boot camp held over a period of days the most being 5 and least being 3. 

It was now Zamalethu's wedding day, and according to custom and tradition, she needed to receive teaching in order to be ready for marriage. The village's girls who were to be married were taken by a group of senior women to a camping spot where they would receive marriage counseling and teaching on how to be excellent wives. "Matombazani (girls), welcome to the first chapter of your marriage. As you know, our traditions and customs in-tell you have to be taught and shown on how to be a good wife and woman in general, how to take care of your husbands and families at large," is how other brides described the ceremony, which made Zamalethu extremely anxious. 

The girls were to stay for a whole week, after which they were to have private training sessions with a trainer of their choosing. On the first day of training, one of the elderly women named Busi began teaching the girls about the value of marriage by asking, "Do you know why you want to be married?" The girls and women sat around a fire in a hut enjoying breakfast consisting of a homemade banana loaf that was baked on a traditional stove called Ceramic Jiko and some nice hot tea. 

"Most of you here just want to be with that boy and have your own house, that's adorable but that's not the purpose and importance of marriage, the importance of marriage is to grow yourself with your husband raise your children and take care of your families," she said, pausing her question in anticipation of an answer from the perplexed girls. Hearing this helped Zamalethu recognize that marriage required more than simply being with the person you love. 

During lunch, the wives-to-be learned how to prepare and present delectable dishes to their men. They laughed, sang, and discussed marriage with their trainers, Amalagize (the ones who show), as they prepared a range of delicacies. Before the girls and Amalagizes went to bed, another skilled marriage trainer named Shona told them, "When your husband comes back from the field, make sure he walks in to receive him with a greeting, take from his hands whatever he comes with, ask him how his day was and prepare his meal." Zamalethu sat in the corner of the cabin, the sole light coming from a candle. She pictured herself imparting what she had just learned to Uche as she sat there. 

Zamalethu was thrilled about this topic, especially since Uche came from a noble family, and she wanted to know what was appropriate to do with them. The trainers were scheduled to teach the females how to communicate with in-laws the following morning. The trainer laughed and said, "It's no secret that in-laws are hard to deal with but nevertheless we have to deal with them some of you." The girls remained silent upon hearing this because most of them had seen how awful in-laws can be and some of them had actually been those awful sisters-in-law. This morning was the day Zamalethu had been waiting for. When you marry your spouse, you become a member of his family—some of you do this every day, others maybe occasionally—and become a wife to his brothers and parents, she said.

It was customary to treat your in-laws with a degree of respect, which included kneeling down when you saw them approaching and never facing them when you spoke to them. This only applied to your in-laws and your husband's aunts and uncles, who you treated with the same deference because it is believed that every aunt is your mother and every uncle your father. When it came to your in-law siblings, you had to develop a strong sisterhood bond with your sister in law because they would support you in times of need, and you had to maintain a reasonable distance relationship with your male in-laws, such as cousins and nephews. 

In the end, young wives had to make sure that she and her in-laws got along at all costs. Young girls were taught not to argue with their mothers-in-law, who have proven to be very difficult people, and they were also advised not to become friends with their sisters-in-law, as they had also been known to cause marriages to break down due to friendships and trust. Nevertheless, a certain amount of friendship had to be maintained. After dinner, the trainers and soon-to-be brides exchanged amusing and poignant tales about their in-laws, all of which had advice for the future brides. 

The third day of the course covered the role of a wife in a marriage. After learning what was expected of them by their husbands and in-laws, it was time to teach the girls what to do and how to fulfill their duties. During their stay at the camp, the girls performed various acts of chaos and ensured the huts were clean and well-maintained. On this day, a wife's role is to ensure she builds her house. 

Most girls prioritized having sex, but they were also traumatized from hearing so many stories from past brides; on this particular day, it was more pragmatic than spiritual. Every bride was paired with an orderly trainer who was an expert in sexual matters. Zamalethu was terrified of this lesson and stood next to her trainer, who was completely nude on a mat. The trainer invited Zamalethu to lay on her, but Zamalethu hesitated and ended up lying on the wrinkled old woman's body. The woman then moved her waist up and down, performing what was known as a sexual dance to appease her husband.

Zamalethu swiftly moved off the elderly, wrinkly body, claiming to have understood the message. Following the sexual activities, some of the girls went to bed with more expectations about marriage than when they had arrived at the camping, while others felt more fearful than before.



Zamalethu discovered that a long-lasting marriage requires respect, harmony, love, and intimacy.