T H E T A L E OF A N A F R I C A N BRIDE PART 3

                  
                            A Celebration of African brides           


                                                   

                                                             Source unknown 

Chapter three 

Preparation of marriage 

Preparing a bride in this village was like a boot camp held over a period of days the most being 5 and least being 3. 

Now that it was time for Zamalethu’s wedding, as custom and tradition she had to be prepared for marriage through teachings. A group of elderly women took all girls from the village who were to be married to a camping site, where they would be trained about marriage and how to be a good wife. Zamalethu was so nervous about this ceremony, she’s heard from other brides how traumatizing and awkward it is “matombazani (girls) welcome to the first chapter of your marriage, as you know, our traditions and customs in-tell you have to be taught and showed on how to be a good wife and woman in general, how to take care of your husbands and families at large” the girls were scheduled to stay for a whole week and later personal training was to take place with the girl’s choice of trainer. The first day the girls were taught on the importance and purpose of marriage, the girls and women sat around a fire in a hut having breakfast with a homemade banana loaf, the banana loaf was baked on a traditional stove called Ceramic Jiko,with some nice hot tea, as they sat and ate on the first day of training one of the elderly women called Busi started teaching on the importance of marriage “do you know why you want to be married” she paused a question not expecting an answer from the confused girls, she went on “most of you here just want to be with that boy and have your own house, that’s adorable but that’s not the purpose and importance of marriage, the importance of marriage is to grow yourself with your husband raise your children and take care of your families” Zamalethu always knew that the had to be more to marriage than just being with a person you love, hearing this made her understand. 

During lunch the girls were taught on how to cook and prepare good meals for their husbands, the prepared all sorts of meals while chatting about marriage with their trainers Amalagize (the ones who show) laughing and singing. Before the girls and Amalagizes went to bed, they were taught on how to welcome their husbands “when your husband comes back from the field, immediately he walks in to be sure to receive him with a greeting, take from his hands whatever he comes with, ask him how his day was and prepare his meal” said Shona another expert trainer on marriage, Zamalethu sat at the corner of the hut lighted by a candle causing only a dim light in the hut, she sat there imagining herself doing to Uche what she just learned. That night she dreamt of herself as Uche’ wife.

The next morning, the trainers were set to teach the girls on how to interact with in-laws, Zamalethu was excited about this topic especially because Uche hailed from a noble family and she wanted to know what was the right way to interact with such a family. This morning was that day Zamalethu was waiting for, “ok ladies welcome to your second day, today we are going to deal with in-laws” the girls mummed upon hearing this, most of them have witnessed how awful in-laws can be and some of them have actually been those awful sisters’s in law, the trainer laughed and continued “it’s no secret that in-laws are hard to deal with but nevertheless we have to deal with them some of you on a daily basis and others a few times, when you marry your husband you marry his family you become a child to his parents and a wife to his siblings” she said. It was custom to treat your parents in law with almost respect, from kneeling down at a distance upon seeing them coming your way, to never facing them when conversing with them, this only applied to your parents in law and your husbands aunties and uncles who you equally treated with the same respect, as it’s believed that every aunt is your mother and uncle father, when it comes to siblings in law it was necessary to build a good sisterhood relationship with your sister in law as they would come to your aid when trouble rose, a reasonable distant relationship was to be maintained with your male in-laws including cousins and nephews. At the end of the day it was left to the young wife to ensure that she and her in-laws are in good terms at all costs, young girls were taught not to ever argue with their mothers-in-law who timely have proved to be very difficult people, they were also advised to never make a friend of their sister in law, again sisters in law had proved to end marriages as a result of befriending and trusting them, nevertheless a level of friendship had to be maintained. The trainers and brides-to-be ended the night by sharing in-laws stories some funny some sad but all were lessons for the brides to be. 

During the stay at the camp the girls performed different chaos, and made sure the huts were clean and taken care of, on this day the role of a wife is to make sure she builds her house, on the third day of the course the girls were taught on the role of a wife in the marriage, after having what was expected of them from their husbands and in-laws, it was then time to teach them what the should do and how to fulfil their duties. 

Sex was on top of the list for most girls but they were equally traumatized having heard so many stories from previous brides, on this day it was more practical than theological. Each bride was paired with an orderly trainer who was an expert on sex, Zamalethu was very scared of this lesson she stood next to her trainer who laid on a mat as naked as day, she invited Zamalethu to lay on her, with much hesitation Zamalethu laid on the old wrinkly body of the sex expert, the old lady moved her waist around up and down, this was called a sexual dance to please your husband. Zamalethu quickly got off the old wrinkled body protesting she got the message.  After the sex exercises the girls went to bed, some more expected about being married than when they came to the campsite whilst other more scared than ever. 

Zamalethu learned the necessity of respect peace love and sex to a long-lasting marriage.